1% INSPIRATION. 99% PERFORATION...

by Reverend Aitor, Impresario:
At long last the this year's edition of Valentimes Funnies, Goofy Cards, and Scary Love cards are ready for the masses.
Hot of the presses after a long, hard evening of hand-perforating, there are but two options for those wanting to get their hands on a sheet or two of these glossy suckers, and they're both in Toronto.The Good Catch General Store retains the right of sole bricks and mortar retailer of Misanthrope Specialty Co. ephemera in town. For those of you unfamiliar with this pirate-themed business, owner Jola Sobolak meets the sundry needs of Parkdale's diverse denizens by stocking her shelves with a little something for everyone.

(photo courtesy of the National Post)

Her wares include guitars, locally grown produce, vintage clothing, neighbourhood arts and crafts, natural cleaning products, independently published books, pet supplies and toys for the kiddies. Need keys cut? They do that too.

Your other option is to buy the cards directly from the Company at this year's Erotic Arts and Crafts Fair, February 13th, at the Gladstone Hotel. Word on the street is there'll be all manner of secret deals for those who know the pass word...

(photo by Erkuden Sakana)

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TITLE BORE...

by Erkuden Sakana, Company Secretary:
The film, as they say in the motion picture business, is in the can. Shooting for the Company's film has finally wrapped up. Soon begins the daunting task that is the editing process.

Deep in the Company Bunker lies a mountain of exposed film awaiting splicing

With the active days of running through graveyards and subway tunnels in costume behind them, and no new rushes to anticipate once this week's footage comes back from the lab, editing comes as something of an anticlimax to some of the misanthropes. There is approximately thirty hours' worth of mostly extemporaneously shot footage to whittle and shape into a cohesive ninety minute movie.

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In related news, Headquarters recently received a letter from the attorneys representing the project's chief bennefactor. In it Mr. Busey requests, among other things, that the phrase "Eat Shit And Die" be tacked on to the film's title.

Miss Lastname makes her screen debut

Not surprisingly, the list of demands was met with varying degrees of outrage and opposition among the Company's the rank and file. Nevertheless, it was determined the addendum to the title would be honoured after matters were put to a vote.

So while Company has yet to decide on a first name for its picture in progress, atleast it has a last name.

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CITIZENS [ON THE] PLAINS...

by Erkuden Sakana, Company Secretary:
Serena McCaroll, good friend of the Company and one half of All Citizens, has been contributing to Broken Pencil's web log.

(photo courtesy of Serena Marie McCarroll)

Hot off the presses is her interview with the Company's own Reverend Aitor and Becky Johnson (of Sweetie Pie Press) about their visit to the little art house on the prairies. Read it.

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CRASS PRODUCTION...

by Erkuden Sakai, Company Secretary:
Sunday's meeting was once again dominated by the concocting of terrible new valentine cards.Whether the public at large will be even half as interested in these little offerings of ephemera as the Misanthropes have been in their production remains to be seen.

The drawback with seasonal items such as these is the relative short shelf life they enjoy before their appeal fade and they are stored away for another year. With a little luck, the Valentine Goofy Cards, Funnies, and Scary Love Cards will be a runaway success, and the Company clerks won't need to worry about making room for dead stock in the warehouse.

Regardless of public opinions, it's difficult to convey just how much the Company has enjoyed these past couple of drawing sessions; bad puns and obscenity being part of the thick epoxy holding the Misanthrope Specialty Co. together. Indeed, the greatest obstacle facing this project is sure to be the narrowing the teetering stack of submitted designs down to just fifteen selections. But that is a problem for next week's meeting.

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A DYMO DOZEN...

by Tallulah Lastname, Company Clerk:
Someone (or someones) in Texas likes us -- though we still haven't a clue who it might be, because they're not telling -- and, frankly, it's giving some of our members the creeps.

(photo by Reverend Aitor)

True to what seems to be a fledgling tradition of disconcerting packages containing delightful gifts, this vintage Dymo carousel store display turned up on the Bunker doorstep yesterday. How this can be remains a mystery unto itself. Unlike Headquarters, where the Company conducts most of its business, including shipping and receiving, or the Clubhouse, where the Company holds its shows and sundry events, the Bunker's location is top secret. We don't disclose its whereabouts to the closest of friends, family or bedfellows.

Included in the box was this unsigned note

We presume this gift can be credited to whomever sent us those 800 popcorn bags last summer. Though this package is postmarked, believe it or not, Bigfoot, Texas, a quick search on Google maps reveals it to be relatively close to the origin of the first mystery package.

Arguably the holy grail of labeling tapes

While there is some uneasiness among the ranks about accepting gifts under such circumstances, the issue will be put to a vote at the next meeting, since other members are eager to put these offerings to use. Enclosed with the carousel were a number of rare gems, including woodgrain, and a roll "property of" tape. The latter being the most seldom seen of the Dymo brand tapes.

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TAKING CARE OF BUSINESS (And Making Valentines)...

by Erkuden Sakana, Company Secretary:
Although it feels somewhat early to start thinking of romance with winter in full swing, St.Valentine's Day is infact coming up on the horizon.

The Misanthrope Specialty Co. is looking forward to its participation in the Erotic Arts and Crafts Fair, and much of Sunday's meeting was dedicated coming up with exciting new smut to peddle at the show this February.

Inspired by the cheap perforated sheets of valentine cards of the members' primary school days, the Company proudly introduces its new line of Valentine Funnies and Valentine Goofy Cards. Each double-sided sheet contains five perverted solicitations in the spirit of the Hallmark holiday.

Also new this year is the advent of the Scary Love series; because nothing says romance like monsters and the undead. It's a pretty safe bet the Company plans on hocking this one again come Hallowe'en.

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BAWDY AND SOLD...

by Heywood McGillicuddy, Chairman:

"First Cigarette of the Morning"

And so begins another year; another session of Sunday congregations at M.S.Co. Headquarters; a second consecutive decade nobody can quite figure out what to name.

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Speaking of things unnameable, it appears the Company's still untitled, still in production film has somehow already found a buyer. A bit surprising, since it wasn't yet put up for sale.

More Polaroid snapshots from the Arkansas shoot

On New Year's eve, a letter arrived from a California law firm putting in a bid to purchase the movie, sight unseen, on behalf of the project's chief grubstaker.

This is an unprecedented turn of events to say the least. It has generally been the Company's custom to celebrate a film's completion by organizing a Clubhouse exhibition wherein the film is premiered and hopefully subsequently sold in a relatively informal transaction. Not so this time, however.

Detail from "The Adventure of Quad" by T-Bone and Rev. Aitor

The purchase, as negotiated by the buyer's attorneys, is a far more formal and technical transaction than the Company is used to. Included in the contract is a stipulation forbidding a public screening of the film. Instead, T-Bone is to deliver Los Angels as soon as post production has wrapped up, and personally hand it over to the buyer at a time and location yet to be determined.

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